Thanks to Zoom, You Are Still Expected To Sit Through Your Annoying Friend’s Spring Wedding

Spring weddings are back, kind of—if by “back” you mean forcing your couch-bound body to endure three hours of your friend’s relatives showing off their gluten-free cupcakes via Zoom. Thanks to the miracle of virtual weddings, you no longer have to physically travel, but the emotional and social labor? Still very much required.

Experts advise logging in 15 minutes early, muting yourself the second Aunt Karen begins her anecdote about her dog’s heartbreak, and keeping a strategically placed cocktail within arm’s reach. Wedding planners recommend “interactive experiences” like live chat flower tosses or virtual photo booths, because nothing says romance like clicking “emoji heart” on a screen while your Wi-Fi struggles to process your mother’s tears in HD.

“Honestly, Zoom weddings are both revolutionary and cruel,” says one anonymous guest, staring blankly at their laptop while their friend exchanges vows. “I’m celebrating love, but also silently judging everyone’s DIY backdrops.”

In short, yes: you are expected to dress up, smile, and pretend your lagging video feed isn’t destroying the sacred illusion of a wedding ceremony. The only difference? You get to complain about bad Wi-Fi instead of bad catering.