Golden Globes Host Ricky Gervais's Lawyer Will Join Him On Stage To Bar Potential Twitter Attacks

Hoping to rebound from last year’s painful attempt at appealing to more diverse audiences, the Golden Globes is going back to its roots: predominantly white nominees and a host who is actually funny — Ricky Gervais. Aware of the risk the comedian is taking, the Hollywood Foreign Press Association agreed to cover all security expenses, including screen time for his lawyer.

“We know we are the pre-game awards. People come here to dine, get plastered, and piss all over each other. That’s what we do, that’s what we are good at. If we lose this, people who aren’t good enough for The Oscars will never get that one night where they get to hook up with the ones who are,” sighs a spokesperson from The Hollywood Foreign Press Association, reminiscing on the comedically insulting yet politically correct performance of last year’s hosts. After months of consideration, the HFPA decided it was too soon to rehire Amy Poehler and Tina Fey, fearing bringing back the iconic duo on top of nominating the same people every year might confuse the audiences into thinking the show is just a rerun. Gervais, being the only past host to write his own material, became the obvious choice. Determined to recapture the show’s golden era, all parties involved are working hard to ensure everything goes according to plan. We hear Jack Nicholson will be in charge of sprinkling Valium in the drinks and Hugh Grant will frantically apply lipstick on Renée Zellweger’s teeth to keep her in the bathroom for the majority of the show.